I was lost, but now I'm found once again

I know growing up I was raised to be considerate of others. I know a lot of times working as a nurse often puts me in a position to put my patients first or at least I assumed we always did. I know working as a nurse influenced me to make a habit of doing things for others, even if it was things they could do for themselves. Even though there is nothing wrong with being considerate of or taking care of others, I realized I got carried away with this to the point where I usually lost myself in the process. I knew more about other peoples likes, dislikes, wants, hopes, dreams, fears, etc. before really examining my own. I was more in tune with other people's business, while I allowed myself to neglect being more conscious of mine. I thought being more involved in the lives of the people I cared about was the way I expressed my love and support for them, and I still think it does to a certain point. Instead of letting other people be responsible for their own happiness, I thought I should be a good friend or cousin by "helping" others get what they want. I forgot to actually consider that even those actions have costs or consequences. Often times, I have been put in awkward positions because of it. Some of the potential side effects include overstepping boundaries and giving people mixed or unintended messages . May be it was also a way I escaped my own reality or avoided dealing with it. Doing so also kept me busy. It's always an excuse not to deal with things when you get busy.

I've only began to contemplate change and I realized that I am finally ready to let go of habits that no longer serve me, beliefs, attitudes, assumptions, excuses, and anything that holds me back from what really makes me happy. I realized that helping others before I help myself is self-sabotaging also. How can I help others when I have a long way to go with taking care of myself? I only have myself to blame when I find out I'm not getting closer to what I want. I know I fooled myself all my life with my past excuses and convinced myself they were real. Now that I'm more conscious of what I do and why, I've learned a lot about myself a long the way. Being more conscious of what I do has influenced me to make better choices for myself everyday. And the result of learning to make more consistent better choices has helped me achieve more peace of mind. I'm not perfect. But it sure feels good to finally move towards a lifestyle that reflects who I really am and what I want in life.